I'm not a writer. As a matter of fact, I have never enjoyed writing. Writing papers in college nearly always brought me to frustrated tears. The problem is I over-think every sentence. However, here I am choosing to write.

I am not writing this because I want anyone else to read it. I'm actually a pretty private person. It's mostly just a place for me to air my thoughts and try out a little project. I don't want to take the time to write this out by hand in a journal, so this is what I thought might work.

Anyway, I have decided to challenge myself to become a happier person. And not just happier, but also more confident, successful, spiritual, and inspired. Though one could certainly say, all these components are part of happiness. I suppose happiness is defined differently for each person. I'm not sure how I would define it, but I know it when I feel it. And I sure as heck know it when I don't feel it.

So, here's my goal: I want to spend a little time each day learning to be happier. I have been trying since probably puberty to become a happier person. I've read a plethora of self-help books, taken anti-depressants, had therapists, and even a life coach. All of these things have been helpful while I used them, but without them, I slide back into the struggle for happiness.

I have a good life, and truly no real reason to be unhappy. And I'm not unhappy all the time; I certainly experience many moments of happiness on most days. Yet, I always feel unhappiness waiting to take back over. I want to become the best person that I can be, and to offer to the people in my life the most that I can. Having unhappiness and insecurity looming over me even in happy moments just doesn't allow this to happen.

My plan is to gather all the self-help books I own and read a bit of one every morning (or when time allows that day) and focus on, reflect on, and apply those teachings for the day, until the book is done. Then, I'll start another. I find that reading the whole book quickly gives me a burst of inspiration, but I quickly forget the multitude of tips I'm supposed to be following to happiness. I figure by slowing down, and devoting a part of each day to this cause, I might have more success.

I'm actually starting with a book that follows this line of thinking. Each "chapter" of this first book has a daily quote, question, and lesson to reflect on and try to apply. I don't know what the copyright rules are on blogs, so I'll keep it vague. Today's lesson involves changing your mindset so that you can become a more successful person. The author talks about how he was essentially a "lazy bum" and finally decided to research successful people and use daily affirmations based on what he learned from them to become a more successful person.

Today, I am supposed to focus on imagining what I can achieve, visualize what this achievement looks like, and believe that I can achieve anything that I can imagine. This is not easy for someone who despite a decent amount of success in life, still doesn't believe in herself and her abilities. As someone who has a habit of settling, imagining that I can achieve something more than I have is scary. Right this minute, I'm not sure what to do with today's lesson, but I plan to give it thought today and see where it leads....